Any easier?

I keep thinking (about every other day) that today is different, that somehow I am emotionally getting back to normal. When all of a sudden out of no where everything comes flooding back. I see babies EVERYWHERE!!!! Pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE!!!! You never notice how many are out there till you want one so bad. The smallest things set me off and I break down. I can't sleep and when I do, I have these horrible dreams. I find myself thinking horrible thoughts about others who are fortunate enough to have a baby, like they had any control over anything or even know what has happened to me. Then I cry because I'm not over any of this yet, then I cry more because I feel like such a horrible person for even thinking these things for a split second. Does it ever get better? Will I always wonder what could have been? If it was a boy or a girl? Why...what's the lesson? The list is never ending. All I can do is keep my faith and know that God is completely and utterly in control, and he knows what he is doing. I need to remember I am loved by the Father and this was in no way  punishment or neglect. Trust in the Lord ALWAYS, and again, I say REJOICE. (as hard as it may be)