Some days are just...hard!

So yesterday it started when Story woke up. She was crying to start with and she was refusing to use her big girl words. I kept asking what was the matter but it was no help...I still have no clue what she was crying about. Could have been the dog looked at her, or her bear was in the wrong spot when she woke up....literally anything. She is very sensitive lately. Then I thought OK, breakfast and cartoons for 5 minutes while I shower...she has occupied herself for a quick rinse....so why would this day be any different? As I am in the shower I hear the fridge open shut open shut open shut...What is that child doing?!?!?! I grab a towel and hear a loud crash. I run downstairs and she is hiding the last handful of pudding behind her back starring at a huge mess. Pudding everywhere...glass everywhere!!!  I snapped I was yelling louder than I ever have before...which is pretty sad because I am a mom who yells unfortunately...I often feel bad. I came uncorked I reminded her she was doing this same thing last night and got into trouble, and she disobeyed me, and she broke the bowl I bought to match my wedding platter.....then she says "But you have another just like it." which is true...I HAD a small one and a large one...so at that I tried to be a bit calmer. I told her to get in the tub. And this was just the start of the day....I'm sure we had at least 15 meltdowns, 6 fits, and who knows how many yelling matches...I am pretty sure we both had about 4 times outs too...sometimes I need to just be away.
  Then I feel horrible for screaming and yelling all day because I just wanted to to be good and listen. Then at the END of the day I feel worse because I realize she is 3...she is just a little kid. I know her better than anyone else so I am harder on her than a "normal" person would be. I tend to not look at her age and go off her understanding. She tends to understand a little more than other three year olds. I have been told by principals that I have a seriously smart kid on my hands. I hear people all the time who say "wow that is like talking to a mini adult" so I think I tend to treat her like one and when she pulls a 3 year old move it appals me. I am praying for patients. I don't want to yell at my kid all the time. I want to let her just make messes, get dirty, play how she wants....I will never get these years back and I want them to be fun for her not rigid.

On another note I am very torn on the decisions that have been presented lately. Our landlord is selling our house so we have no idea how long we have here....30 days to who knows how long it will take to sell. I just signed up for school. We have been looking for a place but no one wants dogs. Now people say that is easy, get rid of the dogs....but that is not an option. Duke is Story's we have had him since she was 9 months old. He got hit by a car and we paid 3,000 for him to get fixed...obviously we love him. Raze is 8 years old and a lab. This dog AJ has had since 8weeks...2 years before we got married. This is his hunting buddy. Saline AJ gave to me as a wedding present when she was 8 weeks old. She is also AJ's hunting dog. She has never been a single day without Raze. So obviously we would want them to go together....but no one wants an 8 year and a 6 year old lad let alone both. We are too kind hearted to put them to sleep. So we are keeping out dogs. We might have something worked out for the labs but then we have to find a place that will take Story's dog. And he is a 90 lb American bull dog so that is hard because the size...then you say bull dog and people hear pit bull even though they are two totally different breeds. Then the question is do we speed up our move to Ca. We were planning on leaving in a year do we just go now? Do we stay here as long as we can and hope it is seven months so I can finish school? Do I just scratch school off the list for now. uggghhhh. I have no clue what to do. Why can't god talk to us like Moses? Can I get a burning bush please?

Some days are just...hard!