worst day of my life

So yesterday was the worst day of my life. Actually this has been the worst week. I went to the Dr. on Tuesday because I was bleeding badly and I am 8 weeks pregnant. The Dr said was in the process of having a miscarriage. Crying my eyes out I asked to have an ultrasound to prove this. Just wanting to see for myself. I went in for the ultrasound and...whew! A heart beat. I was then told I was "the luckiest girl in the world" and they were shocked to see everything was fine. Breathing a huge sigh of relief, I went home...

Only to have to go back on Thursday...more bleeding.  So I thought, okay, I'll go they will tell me everything is fine like the other day and all will be good. I go and the guy says nothing, takes a bunch of pics and calls the Dr. "sorry for the emotional roller coaster." he says.  "I'm so sorry, but there is no longer a heart beat and you are having a miscarriage for sure this time." My heart sank! I started weeping. We have been trying for nearly a year. I just heard it's little heart beating two days ago!

Then Story says why are you crying momma? I didn't know how to answer this anazingly hard question from my three year old daughter...who knew I was pregnant before I did.  All I could muster was a faint..."mommy's not gonna have a baby, Story." and she looked at me with eyes of understand and whispered "Oh. that's so sad."

I don't know if this was a test of faith...as many say I have faith you can do this Lord...but will you still if he doesn't do what you ask? I think this tragedy has made me closer to God, my husband and my church friends. sometimes we don't understand God's plan, but I know there is a reason behind all of this and I have to take my saddness and turn it to joy for God is working in my life and soon I may know the purpose of all this.